Out of the ashes I will rise…
“I’ve seen the fire and I’ve been burned but I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned”
Inspiration for my latest ink was not hard to find. Intwined in the word of women I admire and born from the spiritual awakening I experienced upon the end of the relationship with my childrens father; The Phoenix Rising”
“20 feet out of ashes I can rise
Just like birds and children
I can fly
And I’ll take my phoenix flight
And you can’t take mine
but you can try, ah no
But not this time”
The end was 5 years ago but its taken awhile to cover the ink I put on my skin to show him my love. Don’t get it twisted. I will never deny the love I felt for that man. A burning, dangerous love that eventually saw the death of me…spiritually. He was the father of my children. Be under no illusions, he was the one, hence why I created children with him and inked him on my skin.
Something I have learned is that things don’t always turn out how you thought. Sometimes its a blessing. Nothing is forever, except those that come from your womb. Those are the only names inked on my skin that will stay there until my physical death.
The ink was “DB”, his initials and although constantly covered with jewellry or a watch, was a daily reminder of the love, the betrayal, the abuse and the heartbreak. I had laser sessions, they helped but it felt like the wrong process for this. The tattoo was genuine, I got it for a reason and I wanted the progression of my life to be reflected in ink, not a blank space on my wrist where his name used to be. Those with ink will understand, most pieces represent something, a time, a story…
Thus the Phoenix was born, reborn, like me once I started to feel that lost little girl find herself and become a woman. Like a Phoenix rising out of ashes.
Charlie Shazer, a long time friend of my trusted friend and tribe member Charlie Dark, took on my piece and was a complete angel. I gave him the concept and gave him artistic licence, the best ink comes from artistic licence. We sat down yesterday for 90 minutes and he turned the ashes of that relationship in to a beautiful burning phoenix. The pain was real, but there is something about the pain of ink that reminds you that you are alive in a time where you become numb. I soldiered thru it thinking of my journey from when 5 years ago and six months pregnant with my second child, I called time on the most significant love of my life. Vunerable and broken I left and travelled 400 miles to the safety of my mother.
Charlie, thank you, you have no idea what this piece means to me but hopefully this goes part of a way to explain it.
“You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise. “